The Thought to Tell
by toymagikarp
Summary: A... fanfic-thing based on the song 'The Thought to Tell' by Meiko. Link to the PV in my profile; watch it. I can't further explain this, but also in my profile is a link to the deviation page for this writing, which you should also read to understand it.


This is based off of one of my favorite Vocaloid songs/PVs, "The Thought to Tell" sung by MEIKO. It's really something you'd need to watch the PV to understand, so I'll link to it in my profile, as well as linking to this on my DeviantART, because on there is a much better explanation of this. This is more of a... well, I don't know the word, but it's really not something to classify as a fanfic.

It's in the POV of the singer, aka Meiko, who in this is referred to both Rena and Renato, which refers to the rebirth of the characters. "You" refers to the female in the song, who was "Renato"'s lover in a past life, as well as the bride of another man in the present. "That man" refers to the one who shot them. Please, visit the links I'll put on my page after uploading this - it explains a lot. Anyways, enjoy this, I guess.

* * *

The Thought to Tell

I love…  
Forever, I have loved…  
The one whom I love… is you (and only you).  
Always and forever, despite the circumstances, _for all eternity._

Rena is my name. But I was not always a Rena.  
Once upon a time, I was Renato.  
An art teacher with a l o v e for art, flowers, … and y o u.

Dandelions. Your favorite flower, though considered a weed. A beautiful weed, nonetheless. A bright yellow that never failed to light up your crying (or joyous) face.  
Even in black and white, the colors seeping from the passion in a hand-drawn picture were as clear as day and as soothing as ever.

I hated to see you cry. I hated that you hated me. (Another blow of searing pain to add to my young yet troubled heart was not what I needed at the time.) Did you remember like I remembered? I had thought not, but…  
Things, although they had changed extremely, hadn't changed at all, really, had they?

You joined the art club around the same time I did. I had wished it was not mere coincidence. You acted protective of what was displayed on your easel in the corner; I sneaked a peek while you were collecting… dandelions. [ Do you remember yet? ] I saw you look at mine as well, with a lamenting look on your face. [ Do you remember yet? ]  
[ I think you do. ]  
A familiar scene graced your easel. An outstretched hand clutching a fragment of paper.  
B l a n k.  
I took it upon myself to finish the scene. Pencil moving in a familiar dance along the paper, an array of dandelions came to life. Three of them, to be specific. Just like… b a c k t h e n.  
You cried, a mix of emotions staining your tears.

I was watching; always was, always will. The rain colored those tears of yours blue. [ You remembered. ] The past, things that had once been and could never be again, flooded your adolescent mind while the rain flooded the sad hill you sat upon.  
I couldn't stop myself from trying to comfort you; you protested at first, but I insisted because it p a i n e d me not to.

And then you met h i m.  
The new teacher; admired instantly by all the students. He didn't recognize the sketch that you practically shoved in his face (dandelions); it was the utter disappointment on your face that he did recognize. He showered you with candies as sweet as the smile that instantly appeared on your face. I practically heard you falling, falling, falling in l o v e.  
[ You remembered… so why am I so upset? You're wrong… Me. It's me. Do you remember yet? ]

It seemed like love was a deep, deep hole, continuously being dug by fate. I know this because I watched you – and him – gradually fall farther in while I stood silently at the bottom of a bottomless chasm, w a i t i n g.  
[ Waiting for you to remember – no, that term was wrong. R e a l i z e. ]  
You failed to notice the presence of the _chasm,_ let alone m e.

Same story, different characters. Plot twist: the prince is a lie and the real prince is the  
lady - in - waiting. And the princess doesn't k n o w. Doesn't r e a l i z e.  
Even though he truly loves you, I still love you t e n f o l d.  
Darn those stupid gods. Do you even exist? I would rather have been reincarnated as a flower or something. Flowers don't feel the pain of a lost, f o r b i d d e n love. Not ever.

Your whole being was glowing when you relayed the news; the wedding would be in May, I was to be the maid of honor (Funny how things work out. I would have preferred to be the g r o o m, but, you know, the gods don't always listen to you when you tell them _not to reincarnate you as a girl._), and you could not be happier. (I could.) [ But you never realized. ]  
And what… what was it that you were hiding?

Why should you have to be unhappy just because you don't realize the truth of the past?  
He reminds me of my old self; I'll give him that. But he can never be me. Is he even aware of the situation?

I feel like _that man._ This whole problem is his damn fault. (If only…) Jealous of our past life relationship, unaccepting of me, the new guy. Am I like him? Maybe I was his reincarnation and your prince-of-a-lie is as much of the truth as they come.  
Your prince… I… _We_ never did anything wrong, anyways.  
[ Why can't I realize? ]

You still had it.  
The dandelions.  
You clung to it like it was a part of you.  
[ So you haven't forgotten, then. ]

You're still glowing as you walk down the aisle, as you two embrace in a passionate kiss, as you dance together – until your gaze falls upon me. I firmly grasp dandelions; three, while wearing a smile on my face. Sincere; you deserved to be happy, and I was happy for you.  
Your expression shows thought and your eyes grow softer.  
[ Have you realized? ]  
[ More importantly, w h e n w i l l I? ]

Your face, reddened by excitement or realization, faces the ground before turning to me. I try my best to smile sincerely, r e a l i z i n g.  
The bittersweet realization that we can n e v e r be, but you will live h a p p i l y with him, stings.

I can see the realization in your eyes.  
|| _It… was you. All along. It was you._ ||  
You clutch a piece of paper – dandelions, the very same. After all this time. A memory of the p a s t.  
It's time to say goodbye. – to the past, farewell. –  
– we will always – Just be friends.  
It's all we can do.  
|| _Forbidden. History always repeats itself._ ||

|| _You've got to let it go. Please… for your and my and his sake._ ||

|| _I… I can't-!_ ||

|| _You have to. Please. It'll hurt less. _||

|| _O-okay… – p a u s e – I'll… I'll never forget, though-! _||

||_ It would be best if you did. _||

I am a complete idiot.  
If I had told you the truth, the past, would you have believed me?  
Would you have realized?  
Would you have even _listened? _  
Would things be d i f f e r e n t?

It's t o o l a t e.

I'll always love you, in the only way I can. As a f r i e n d… and as your  
g u a r d i a n a n g e l.

「ｅｎｄ。」


End file.
